Control

Control.  It's something we all need yet something that can cause major problems if misunderstood or used in the wrong way.  There are many times where we think we have more control than we actually do and many times  that we think we have less.  Not being realistic about how much control we have and what we rightly have control over can be extremely destructive to ourselves and others.


Sometimes we try to control God by bargaining with Him.  If He gives us what we want then we will give Him what He wants.  But this mistakes several things about God's character.  First, it assumes that the same God who was willing to give His only Son as a sacrifice doesn't care about our needs and desires when He in fact cares about them more than we do.  However, He sees the whole picture and knows what is best.  But sometimes it is hard to trust that.  Second, it assumes that obedience is a way to get God to give us things, but in reality, God already has good things planned for us, but obedience is to His will is the only way that those things are capable of being received by us.


Sometimes we have to acknowledge that we are powerless in certain circumstances and can do know more than leave the situation in God's hands to deal with.  This doesn't mean that we're powerless; it just means that our power is found in prayer and trusting God to work in the situation.  I've found that some of my best moments with God have been some of the most difficult in my life when I acknowledged how powerless I was and submitted to a God who I trusted was for me and would see me through.


Sometimes we try to control our circumstances by controlling other people instead of ourselves.  This is wrong and if it is habitual it is usually deemed as abuse.  Sometimes we fail to acknowledge that we have as much control as we do.  This is wrong also and can lead to victimization.  Boundaries is an excellent book that I have found very helpful in helping me realize what things I am responsible for and to and what things I am not.  It offers help for both side of the equation.  Often the two go hand-in-hand in relationships and the cycle requires at least one person in the relationship to have a clear picture of responsibility and control and make change based on that understanding in order to be broken.


I think a lot could be changed in our relationships with God and others if we learned what our responsibilities to God and others are and what we have control over and used that control appropriately.  Perhaps that is a crucial part of what it means to love God and love others.  It involves taking responsibility for the way we choose to exercise the gift of free will.  I think that one of the core things of love is using our free will for the benefit of another, and not to harm them.  It's a choice not a feeling.  And sometimes it's a very difficult choice.  Jesus talked a lot about submision, probably because it is required in fulfilling the top two commandments, which all the other commandments happen to fall under.  His whole life was about submission to the will of God, even death on a cross to reconcile us to God.  I think Paul says it well in Phillipians 2:

"2 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

⁶ Who, being in very nature^[a] God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
⁷ rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature^[b] of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
⁸ And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

⁹ Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹ and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father."

I think that submission to the will of God is the key to true and healthy control.