Control

Control.  It's something we all need yet something that can cause major problems if misunderstood or used in the wrong way.  There are many times where we think we have more control than we actually do and many times  that we think we have less.  Not being realistic about how much control we have and what we rightly have control over can be extremely destructive to ourselves and others.


Sometimes we try to control God by bargaining with Him.  If He gives us what we want then we will give Him what He wants.  But this mistakes several things about God's character.  First, it assumes that the same God who was willing to give His only Son as a sacrifice doesn't care about our needs and desires when He in fact cares about them more than we do.  However, He sees the whole picture and knows what is best.  But sometimes it is hard to trust that.  Second, it assumes that obedience is a way to get God to give us things, but in reality, God already has good things planned for us, but obedience is to His will is the only way that those things are capable of being received by us.


Sometimes we have to acknowledge that we are powerless in certain circumstances and can do know more than leave the situation in God's hands to deal with.  This doesn't mean that we're powerless; it just means that our power is found in prayer and trusting God to work in the situation.  I've found that some of my best moments with God have been some of the most difficult in my life when I acknowledged how powerless I was and submitted to a God who I trusted was for me and would see me through.


Sometimes we try to control our circumstances by controlling other people instead of ourselves.  This is wrong and if it is habitual it is usually deemed as abuse.  Sometimes we fail to acknowledge that we have as much control as we do.  This is wrong also and can lead to victimization.  Boundaries is an excellent book that I have found very helpful in helping me realize what things I am responsible for and to and what things I am not.  It offers help for both side of the equation.  Often the two go hand-in-hand in relationships and the cycle requires at least one person in the relationship to have a clear picture of responsibility and control and make change based on that understanding in order to be broken.


I think a lot could be changed in our relationships with God and others if we learned what our responsibilities to God and others are and what we have control over and used that control appropriately.  Perhaps that is a crucial part of what it means to love God and love others.  It involves taking responsibility for the way we choose to exercise the gift of free will.  I think that one of the core things of love is using our free will for the benefit of another, and not to harm them.  It's a choice not a feeling.  And sometimes it's a very difficult choice.  Jesus talked a lot about submision, probably because it is required in fulfilling the top two commandments, which all the other commandments happen to fall under.  His whole life was about submission to the will of God, even death on a cross to reconcile us to God.  I think Paul says it well in Phillipians 2:

"2 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

⁶ Who, being in very nature^[a] God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
⁷ rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature^[b] of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
⁸ And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

⁹ Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹ and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father."

I think that submission to the will of God is the key to true and healthy control.

Catalyst

There are a few common phrases that I absolutely hate when it comes to things that are contrary to God's will.  They include phrases like, "It's normal," "Everybody does that," "That's life," and "That's just who I am."  These are all phrases that serve to take away our responsibility and pretend like we don't havepower to do anything about whatever is being spoken of.  I don't think God will accept these answers when asked why we didn't do anything to help change some of the things that are contrary to His will but have come to be seen as normal.


Porn has become normalized.  Instead of fighting it, it is common for people just to expect that men will view porn and in many cases view them as odd if they don't.  Not appropriatley dealing with conflict has been normalized.  It has the power to damage and even end relationships, but it's viewed as a normal part of life and rarely seen as something that needs to be changed unless perhaps violence is involved.  Only investing in the people we want to invest in and not those that God puts in our paths that might be a challenge to love is seen as normal and totally accepted.  Being so busy that we don't have time for what's actually important and not having solid priorities is seen as normal and even as a good thing.  It's seen as just a part of the way the world works when some people suffer from lack while others have beyond what they need, and I'm not just talking about material things here.  It's also not uncommon for us to rationalize having more by saying that we did something to earn it and the other person didn't.  Rarely is failing to keep one's word thought of as an issue, and if someone is hurt by that, they're considered to be too sensitive.  This is just a small list of things that have become rationalized as being normal.


We have the power to change these things and that power begins with acknowledging that they're not just normal.  They may be normal in the sense that sin is normal, but that doesn't mean that God approves of them.  We have the power to refuse porn and there is help for those who need it.  There are healthy ways of conflict that can help build relationships if we are willing to learn and practice them.  Loving is a command- a call to action that is based on God's love and not our feelings about a person; we can show His love to the people that are difficult for us to love.  We can choose our priorities and fix our schedule around them.  We don't have to be so busy all the time.  It may require sacrifice, but we don't have to be so busy.  We can generously give to those who lack what we have extra of.  We can do what we say were going to do and be more aware of what we commit to.  Al of these things require sacrifice on our part.


Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice to help us change these things- His life.  The Holy Spirit work in us to change these things.  Jesus gave us an example of how to live that flew in the face of everone's definition of normal in some way, both then and now.  Jesus was a catalyst.  He didn't care about normal; His mission was to change people's hearts and have them embrace Kingdom values instead of the norms of a fallen world.  Sometimes they're the same, but sometimes they're not.  I've focused on the things that are normal that need to be changed, but there are also things that may not be normal that should be embraced.  Sometimes those go hand in hand with rejecting the things that are normal and not beneficial.  Jesus challenged the status quo and not just for the sake of challenging it.  He wants for His followers to be catalysts as well.  His disciples did an excellent job of this and turned the world upside down.  We can do the same if we are willing to examine the Bible and our traditions and rely on God's truth instead of norms.  The Holy Spirit is waiting to help us.


I want to be redeemed from anything which is considered normal but is not like God's character.  I believe Christ died to redeem me from that.  I alo believe that redemption is meant to lead me to participate in Christ's redemptive work in the world in whatever ways He leads me.  I believe that as I become healthier in my walk with Him, it will affect those around me.  Some may not like it and choose to leave.  Others may stick with me and God may use it to redeem areas of their lives as well and we can grow together.  I think that's a beauty of Christianity that we miss out on because of "normal".