A Look Back At 2019

"And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them.  I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground.  These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." -Isaiah 42:16 (ESV)

This post is a follow up to the one I posted in March reflecting on 2019 as 2020 is about to begin, as well as a bit of a life update.  2019 was a year of taking steps, not knowing where they might lead.  So where have they led so far?

Photography:

I began 2019 wanting to exhibit my photography, but not knowing if it was good enough.  My first steps involved attending an event about the art of photography and becoming a member at Mistlin Gallery.  I submitted 8 photos to the floral and still life show that ran through May and they were all accepted.

I had the privilege of photographing 2 events for the Stanislaus Medical Society.

During the summer, I exhibited 3 photos in the summer splash show.

In August, I renewed my membership and submitted 5 photos for the Autumn Art Festival.  This was the first show I entered that was judged and juried.  I was excited to have 2 of my photos selected for the exhibit.

In the fall, I was notified that an event I had participated in before was coming back under a new name.  This was The Art of Hope Gala, formerly the Art of Justice Gala.  It involved local artists selecting works children who have experienced domestic violence had created accompanied by quotes from the children.  Below is the piece I selected and the piece I created based off of it, called Distorted Decisions.  It was created by taking a photo of the street sign with the double arrow, a basic symbol of a simple decision, and distorting it several times and then layering the distortions on to the original image.  My two favorite things about this event are being able to support an organization I care about and being challenged in photography as it calls for something different than what I normally do.  I also had the privilege of photographing the event.  Two exciting things happened. 1)Someone actually asked me about my photo. 2)Someone actually liked my photo enough to pay $250 for it, and I recently found out it was a friend that purchased it.

I finished out the year with the 3 photos that didn't make it into the Autumn Art Festival being exhibited in the Home For The Holidays show.  I've had several family members purchase photos from me this last year.  And I'll be starting 2020 with 4 photos in the new abstract and valley impression show.  There was some frustration preparing for this one due to having limited time to prepare, but I'm excited for it because I think the photos I'm exhibiting are some of my best so far.

As far as 2020 goes, I plan to continue to exhibit at Mistlin Gallery.  I'd also like to create a nice website and try to sell more physical prints.

Volunteering at Doctors Medical Center:

In May, I became the chair of the patient and family advisory council.  In June, our director transitioned to a new role.  During all of this, I realized that this was something I would like to do as a career.  I learned that there is an institute called the Beryl Institute that offers courses to prepare for the licensing exam to become certified in patient experience leadership.  This is something I want to pursue; it's just a matter of coming up with the money to do so.

One of the challenges I faced in all of this was the unexpected death of my grandpa at the hospital.  Just to be clear, it wasn't because of the hospital, he just happened to unexpectedly die there on the day he was going to be discharged. It was a hard loss and made me question being there soon after.  It's been a blessing having the opportunity to use his experiences to help other patients, though.  In a way, it's like he lives on there through that.

This is one area where I am frustrated going into 2020.  I have this goal and I'm looking forward to it, but I don't know how it's going to happen yet.  I'm finding to that it's harder to just take steps in this situation and am trying hard to focus on taking what steps I can.

Church:

 In June, I left the church I had helped plant in been at for 10 years to call the Anglican church I've attended part-time for 8 years my home church.  The liturgy has grown me.

Church attendance has unfortunately been something I've struggled with at the end of 2019 between it being a particularly hard year and due to fatigue and other health issues. A main goal for 2020 is getting back to attending regularly.

Health:

No surgeries this year!  However, I have struggled with daily neurological that are likely due to my migraines.  My neurologist started me on supplements that have been very helpful, but the issues return if I don't take them.  I've also experienced a lot of fatigue that my doctor and I now believe may be due to the generic thyroid meds my pharmacy switched to.  I'm hoping to begin taking name brand meds early this next year and hoping that will help a lot.

Work: 

September was my last month of nannying for 2019.  A temporary job at Kmart, which was soon closing opened up and I was hired at just the right time.  This particular Kmart held a lot of good childhood memories for me, so it was bittersweet to be a part of closing it.

2020 currently looks to be opening with a new nanny jo, but work for the year is a bit of mystery right now.  This will be a big area for taking steps.

Here's to the steps that will be taken in 2020 and to all the places they might lead.  May I have the patience and faith to persevere when not being able to see where the steps lead gets discouraging and may you as well.

First Steps On Unknown Paths

"And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them.  I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground.  These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." -Isaiah 42:16 (ESV)

My twenties didn't go much like I had expected them to, so I decided to start my thirties with a new approach at the beginning of the year.  Instead of trying to come up with a 5,10, + year plan, I'm trying to knock on doors that interest me and seeing which ones God opens; taking small steps and learning where they might lead trusting that God sees the whole path.

One of those steps I chose to take is exhibiting my photography in a gallery.  Those steps have looked something like this:

1) Go to the Photography As Art presentation at the gallery.  I was very nervous about this event and was worried I might leave feeling discouraged and chicken out.  Instead, I left feeling very encouraged.  I also heard a quote that fit well with my current journey.  The presenter talked about experiments with primates doing art.  He said one of the things they found is that "The first step always leads to the next step."  I like the idea of my life being God's artwork with these first steps leading to the next and becoming something wonderful.

2) Become a member of the gallery.  I did this right after the presentation.

3) Prepare photos for the upcoming floral and still life exhibit.  This involved taking the photos, post-processing, ordering prints and frames, and framing the photos.  Aside from a defective frame piece that is being replaced, I just finished this step.

4) Turn in my prospectus.  This is my next step.

5) Bring photos to the gallery at the end of April.

6) Attend the artist reception in mid-May.

7) Take unsold photos home at the beginning of June.

These are the steps I can see.  I don't know what may end up happening in between some of those steps or what steps may come after.  I don't know where the path may go from there, but I'm trusting God to reveal more when the time comes.

Another big door I've knocked on so far was volunteering at a local hospital.  I had originally wanted to volunteer as a baby cuddler and called about it at the beginning of January.  There was a longer than expected delay while waiting to hear back from someone that made me question whether or not that door would open.  In the meantime, a different door opened at the hospital- the possibility of serving on a patient and family advisory council.  This was something that I had wanted to be a part of but didn't know existed, if that makes any sense.  The ability to use my health struggles and the insights they've given me to help improve the patient experience for others is something that greatly appealed to me and I decided to pursue it.  I eventually got a call back about volunteering as a baby cuddler, but found myself more drawn to the advisory council and decided to continue down that path.  I don't know where that path will take me or how God will use me on it, but I'm excited to follow it.

It's hard taking the first step on unknown path.  There's a human tendency to want to know the whole path before taking that step.  This is definitely true for me.  But right now, I hear God asking me to just take things one step at a time and have faith that these new paths lead to good things.  I'm just called to take the steps; what He decides to with those steps is up to Him.

When God's Grace Looks Like Death

2018 has been laid to rest and 2019 has begun.  To some extent, 2018 has been a year of death for me.  Most notably, my gallbladder was found to be nearly dead in the sense that it was barely functioning and I had it removed at the beginning of November.  Yet, there was hope in that death and in the other deaths of 2018.

In my previous blog post, I wrote about Esther, the stubborn cyst whose removal revealed a new suture allergy that killed off my skin.  I wrote about how Lent Wound brought my focus to the ways that God brings life from death.  That became my focus with my gallbladder.  I had faith that this was a death that God had allowed and brought to light in order to bring new life.  So far, so good.  I've healed well and am actually doing much better than I have been for the last several years.  As I suspected, Esther prevented 4 incisions from deteriorating instead of just one; I healed very well with the staples.

Besides leaving behind a nearly dead gallbladder and entering into 2019 with better health, here are a few other deaths that I see God using to bring new life in the upcoming year, as well as some new life that didn't result from some sort of death:

Volunteer Work:  While going through the gallbladder issues, I left the place I had been volunteering for 6 years that assisted victims of domestic violence.  I greatly enjoyed my time there and it is still close to my heart, but it became time to move on, especially as all my doctor appointments ended up having to be scheduled during that time.  I decided to use the rest of the year to rest.  Rest is vital; something we tend to forget.  Now that I have rested, I will be contacting one of my local hospitals early this month to pursue a volunteer position as a baby cuddler.  It's something that's been growing in my heart since early 2018 and I am both excited and nervous about it.  I'm praying that it works out.

Work Work:  One of my 2 babysitting jobs came to an end right before I had my gallbladder out.  Things had changed in both of our lives that meant it would no longer work out.  A plan was already in place for me to work my other babysitting job twice as much after surgery, though.  That's a blessing that's being carried over into 2019.  I'm currently in the best spot I've been financially in awhile.

Clutter: Fun fact about me: I can be pretty sentimental.  Being so sentimental, however, can make it hard to get rid of stuff, and that tends to lead to difficult to manage clutter.  One of the things going on mission trips has opened my eyes to is just how much stuff I have that I don't miss when I'm away from it and how much I could live without.  Throughout 2018, I've been trying to get rid of a lot of that clutter.  I ended 2018 last night throwing away another garbage bag and still have a ways to go as I enter 2019.  2019 will be a year of continuing to reduce clutter and hopefully create less in the first place.  Another fun fact: de-cluttering can make you take a good hard look at some of your habits.  It can make you disgusted with some of them, but that also makes you want to change for the better.

Photography: This one doesn't really from any sort of death or ending, just growth.  One of my big goals for 2019 is to get some of my photography displayed in a local venue where it will be seen and can be purchased.  Working more will provide me more financial ability to make this happen, so I guess in that sense, this is somewhat related to a 2018 casualty.  This one is particularly exciting and terrifying for me.  I'm not completely sure how to go about it or how my photography will be received, but it is a step that I plan on taking.

Age:  Managed to forget this one when I originally published this post.  The decade known as my 20's came to a close in November.  I ended them with a fifth surgery hoping to leave frequent surgeries in my 20's nd have a few less in my 30's. The last decade was a hard lesson about life not looking anything like I once expected it would.  I'm entering my 30's trying to go forward with what it is and create some new goals to work towards, but with a more open mind about what God might have in store for me.

Mattress: Ok, so this one's more for fun.  Seriously, though, my gallbladder surgery was my last straw for my old spring mattress and memory foam topper that refused to stay in place.  Wayfair had a great sale on memory foam mattresses in November and my parents got me one for Christmas.  I'm going into 2019 sleeping better and not being in so much pain.  It's actually a really wonderful thing!

I'm not usually a huge fan of New Year's Day, but this time, I am looking forward to 2019.  Granted, I'm also a little nervous.  With God, grace often comes in the form of death.  This was the case with the cross- Christ died to bring new life.  2018 had a lot of endings for me, but I have faith that those endings were to make way for the new things that God is doing in 2019.  I don't know what 2019 has in store for me, but I trust the One who is making a path that I can so far only see part of.  I'm trusting that He who began these good works will be faithful to continue them.  Philippians 1:6 was my verse for my gallbladder issues.  I want to share a card I found while de-cluttering my room that I must have bought at some point and can't remember why.

I'm entering into 2019 believing that.  I pray that 2019 comes with many blessings for all of you who read this.  I pray that you will cling to God and feel His presence with you through all the ups and downs of this year and that your faith will remain strong.  Happy New Year!